365 days of “Fuck it, I’m going to be a Writer”

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Top of the morning! I’ve been awake since 3:30. Woken up by the sound of my phone, telling me that he’s on his way to work. I couldn’t fall back asleep after we hung up. Thoughts lingering about while I think of how much I’ll regret not sleeping later. When I couldn’t take it anymore, I got up out of bed and took the car to grab coffee. The girl behind the drive thru window didn’t seem amused when I gave her an enthusiastic, “MERNIN!” Guess 4 am is still too early.

I keep wanting to get back into this blogging life. I even wrote about this in my previous post about how I need to get back into it but like everything else in my life, it gets put on the list of procrastination.

Right now I’m laying flat on my bed, the laptop is just resting on my hips in an awkward angle— the likelihood of it smashing my chest is quite high but i like to live my life on the edge. I miss free writing as a form of thinking. I did it more when I was in college, or when I’m angrily pounding my feelings away. Not sure what I’m even doing here because I’m not even staring at my screen anymore. I have this playlist going, the title of it is called “waking up gently” and it has the most soothing cinematic piano vibes going on. Thank god for that typing class I took back in elementary school and growing up in the digital age because not having to look at the screen is quite interesting. If there are errors here then I’m sure the computer will autocorrect it later. Every time I look up I have to do this sort of crunch motion and it’s just not something i feel like doing. Exerting myself in the name of free write doesn’t sound fun. 

Where was I going with this again? I forgot why I’m even here writing. Oh, right, so I think I’m going to challenge myself to write everyday for a year. Even if it’s just a daily wrap up on all the things that I’ve done. You know, I really want to call myself a writer but I can’t exactly do that if I never practice writing. So to pair it with my desires to blog more often, I’ll just write here. The thing that held me back for a long time was worrying about what others may think. The premeditated judgement of people knowing that you’re a “blogger.” Ugh, gives me all that weird buttery awkward feelings of high school when all i wanted to do was blend in. So fuck it, 365 days, let’s go. 

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